What is love?

Hey , you loved someone at some point. Maybe you’re in the talking stage with someone or already have an amazing partner. Well, what’s the lovely emotion you get when you’re talking with them? Let's see.

First, your brain doesn't have a "love" molecule. Instead, it has neurotransmitters that activate in sync to give you a feeling you label as love. Let's explore those.

In stage 1 of a relationship, you're in pursuit. You’re curious and excited. That's a lot of dopamine. You get 'sympathetic' activation of your nervous system. It has nothing to do with sympathy. It's more about alertness.

But this only represents interest. Not two-way love.

In stage 2, you look for autonomic coordination. It’s when your internal state matches the other person’s state. So a brain region called the insula activates and checks if they’re at the same wavelength. It’s not about feelings of love, it’s more like, are they stressed? are they also calm? are they feeling happy?

If you feel the same, it gives you what we call 'chemistry'. You can flow with each other. And at this point, maybe you like each other. I'd say it's a crush. But it's not love yet.

The missing piece is called "positive delusion". Yes, it's called delusion. It's the process where you start to forget that other people can make you feel that same autonomic arousal. So you magnify all your attention to your partner.

And that’s love.

It’s feeling activated when you’re around them, can empathize and match with their feelings. Like, you can trust and rely on the person and enjoy being around them. And you that can’t get that connection from anybody else.

As long as this autonomic coordination is going on, you will feel happy to be with them and connect on a deeper level. You’ll always get the butterflies.

If you and your partner / potential partner aren’t perfectly connected, then try to get this external, mutual arousal.

You could workout together and elevate heart rate, walk and get optic flow, or ask thoughtful questions about a topic that interests you both. It’ll make you feel connected in a way you can’t connect with anyone else. Or that’s just the delusion… ;)

Love is good. Wishing you a lovely and fulfilling weekend . Look for that autonomic coordination with your partner.

Bye !